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Q.

I am a practicing female profession married since last 3 years.Mine was a love marriage but things turned out sour within a few weeks.I feel my husband does not try to understand my needs, my feelings, my wishes but simultaneously he is very much sensitive about his parents.Since my in-laws house was around 45 kms. from my place of work so I decided to move to the city where I have my office.He moved with me but only to make things worse by starting to insult me, beat me and go away for days leaving me alone and crying searching for him.I feel very alone.Please advise soon.Jagjit

Tags: days, things, husband
Asked by Jagjit Kaur, 10 Feb '07 10:42 pm
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Answers (13)

 
1.

Hello Jagjit,
I am sure this is not a major problem,as ur thinking bcos I am very much sure that he is respecting you,and he need you as he has with you to a new place near to your work place,but the reason for his behaviuor is only due to a small changes taking place in mind he might be feeling that he is moving away from his parents which he is taking emotionaly but be cool for some time and still you have time to take anything serious let him also be alone he will realise your importance and he will surely come back and u will get what u want from him, and not to worry and take care of your self.
Answered by sudhir kumar shetty, 11 Feb '07 12:19 pm

 
  
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2.

Jagjit,
Please dont sacrifice your self respect. You are financially independent. If he is beating you, move on in life...He doesnt deserve your love and affection.
Answered by Mandar Bhagwat, 26 Feb '07 12:14 pm

 
  
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3.

Behind his vunreabilty he has a soft herat for u also. He is suffocating with the emotions of mom & wife. new game. just be patient and supportive. he will be urs gain
Answered by bala, 10 Feb '07 11:57 pm

 
  
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4.

Dear Jagjit,

We are living in the 21st Century. Today women are more equiped with best protection in the legal system. Please make sure that you must respect the both parents and without their blessings nothing will benefit you. But the law is always with you. Once police complaint and the whole family will land behind bars. But use it wisely or else nothing will benefit you.

India's landmark domestic abuse law comes into effect
Indias first law specifically targeting the long-standing problem of domestic violence in the country has today come into effect.

Under the legislation, men who beat, threaten or even shout at their wives or live-in partners or could be jailed for up to a year and fined 20,000 rupees (235).

Crucially, the rules also ban husbands from harassing their wives for larger dowry payments, in an attempt to bring to an end the thousands of cases in which women are beaten or burned to death because their families did not provide a big enough dowry. ...more
Answered by Sathyaprakash Nair, 10 Feb '07 11:11 pm

 
  
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5.

Dince yours was a love marriage probably youll took each other for granted and hence didnt notice certain signs which youll would have picked up otherwise ...as you say he is a sensitive person with regards to his parents so he should be sensitive to your feelings too...why dont you take the time out to have a heart to heart talk with him about the way your life is at t he moment and take things from there ...you will feel much better after you have had a long chat with him and you will probably find out the reason for his behaviour
Answered by savio rebello, 10 Feb '07 10:58 pm

 
  
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6.

You should convince your mother in law and father in law. Bring them to your residence. Think you are in the shoes of In laws and your daughter in law does what you have done - what you will feel? Always there is generation gap. Who to bridge and how to bridge depends on the nature of the persons involved in the secene. You take initiative. Retrete if required. Sacrifice for the time being will join the hearts again.
Answered by Govinda, 27 Feb '07 12:11 pm

 
  
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7.

You can not find answer from outsiders. u have to find answer from your innerself.
If son/ daughter do not take care of their parents who will? Sort out by talking not to your hubby but his parents.
Answered by ravi shanker behl, 10 Feb '07 10:59 pm

 
  
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8.

A professional is a professional.if you decide to be a door mat, suffer the consequences.
Answered by prabir sanyal, 04 Aug '09 09:55 pm

 
  
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9.

HI Jagjit,
It is very sad to hear your case but I have seen this in many cases of love marriage.During the initial days of your love, you tend to discount everything that your partner does and just try to brush it away cos you are in a world where everything is going on like a dream fairy tale and you do not want to wake up from that. Now, after marriage, you spend more time with your partner and it is only then that you start noticing everything about your partner which you would not have noticed before marriage or would have chosen to ignore it. But all said and done, you both have married each other and marriage requires 100% commitment.

The guy may feel that he is spending more time with you and is not taking care of his parents and therefore may spend more time with them. But trust me, he will have to come back to you as he will also need emotional support for the rest of his life and practically thinking, you will be the one for him and not his parents. May be when he i ...more
Answered by Chanddra kanthd, 10 Feb '07 11:45 pm

 
  
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10.

Hi jagjit,

I am sad for the way things are for u.. but please....for your own sake..DO NOT take use of the new domestic violence law if you are still willing ur husband to live with u.. The reason why I am saying this is..once you file a case against him, that the end of the story between you and him, cos he will certainly file for a divorce and you are at the losing end too..

So, try to show love to him...more of it. I know that u do and its been hard for you...but what law or violence cant suceed, love can.. So try to show more love to him and talk to him gently.. I'm sure he will change.. Bless you
Answered by Inquisitiveperson, 10 Feb '07 11:20 pm

 
  
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