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Q.

How to tackle a person who u know is born only to harm u, knowing u cant do a damn to him bcoz someone u really love & care for, is married to this rouge ? Remember, u cant afford to totally ignore him for the sake of yr beloved person with whom he is married. Something like, thorn in flesh. Thoughtful answers plz.
Cocktail Raj

Tags: person, u, raj
Asked by Cocktail, 13 Dec '07 01:49 pm
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Answers (71)

1.

Probably you are talking of Bully - connected (or may be loved too) to your loved one. May be you have to face him / her - patiently (& also tactfully).
Words cannot physically harm you. If someone is spreading rumors about you or your friends, let it be. Don't make the situation worse. and in the end, you'll be the better person.
Bullies only have power over you if you let them. As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "no one can make you feel inferiour without your consent."
Answered by PANIWALA A, 13 Dec '07 11:26 pm

 
  
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2.

I don't know what to say becuas ei ahve never been in such a situation. But hypothetically speaking if I loved a man very much and he was married to my enemy then I'll cut off all ties with both of them because why is he married to her anyway, when it is I who love him? If on the other hand my love is unrequited , then it is better to move on anyway.
Answered by joyoti sen, 13 Dec '07 07:20 pm

 
  
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3.

Sai Ram. If I cannot do any thing to him, I can send him a lot of love and pray to God to help us be friends but accept the things as they are.

Having said that, I also know that I may fail and vent my anger and frustration even if I cannot do any harm. That may actually give that rogue more enjoyment. I will pray to God / Guru to help me keep my sanity and balance. Sai Ram.
Answered by Venkateswaraswamy Swarna, 14 Dec '07 09:28 am

 
  
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4.

One needs to be cool,calm and composed for the same. Loosing or fretting ones state of mind wouldnt lead to a correct conclusion. Some plain talking looking eye to eye is required. Also you need to check your relationship with the person and make sure your loved one is in safe hands. if not you need to think about the relationship first and then matters that pertain you.
Answered by Saj Sierra, 13 Dec '07 11:06 pm

 
  
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5.

Dear Cocktail, It depends on the circumstances and the person you have soft corner. But anyways, do you like to see your person or your beloved to suffer like this throughout your life. Can you see her suffering for how long? One day all bad things should come to an end. If you really care and luv that person if I was in your place I would see that she should be separated from this satan and make her life glowing instead of seeing her suffer day in and day out. First ofcourse try and make him understand why he is doing like this, that satan must be having some reason as to why daily torrture is being given to her. But yes if he still doesnt improve, I think you should separate this angel of yours from the satan. Al D best. Take care Regards Cyrus
Answered by cyrus irani, 13 Dec '07 04:48 pm

 
  
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6.

Invite the person to have a direct talk.
Start with a soft approach to set the person at ease, but don't beat around the bush. The persons level of anxiety might be already sky high and making more small talk while he waits for the bad news to emerge, is cruel. Once you've told him that you want to discuss a difficult topic, move right in to the topic of your difficult conversation.
Tell the person directly what the problem is as you perceive it. If you talk around the issue or soften the impact of the issue too much, the person may never get that the problem is serious. If you reference the problem as "some persons do the following," the person may never understand that you mean him.
Explain it to him that this is not a personal vendetta; the difficult conversation has a direct purpose that affects you both and the relative as well you are concerned about. Make the purpose of the conversation as clear as possible.
You also need to let the person know that not only is the ...more
Answered by Jack Johnson, 13 Dec '07 04:29 pm

 
  
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7.

According to your description, generally he might be a bad guy in nature. I think such persons cannot lead even a successful married life with his partner who never expect any justice from him. However, its better not to interfere their family matters as long as they lived together.
Answered by Joseph Chacko, 14 Dec '07 10:59 pm

 
  
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8.

As u know, we r all different - having different backgrounds, family environments, values, lifestyles, educational levels etc. All of this influences the way a person thinks & behaves & has great impressions on his overall personality. Most of us at some stage experience confusion & despair dealing with a close relative or family member or close acquaintance. It becomes very frustrating coz we cant see any valid groung behind such an unreasonable behavior of the person & we do not know how to handle it. Normally it is very difficult to deal with such persons, more so when he is somehow related to us or if the interest of someone dear to us is associated with him. There can be no one line solution to this problem or situation.
According to psychologists, any counterattack while dealing with such persons only adds fuel to the fire & rarely accomplishes anything, as it will in all probability result in severe counter reaction, which may do more harm than good & may have adverse bearings ...more
Answered by akhtar masood, 13 Dec '07 11:45 pm

 
  
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9.

There are a lot of ifs and buts to be taken care of in this situation.

The main point to consider is what is his equation with your loved one? Are you confident that come what may your loved one will not be targeted by him?

If the person is such a low down crook that your loved one can be used as a shield by him your options are limited to grinning and bearing the situation and just tackling the situation on the defensive as any direct attack will result in a retaliation Not on you but on your loved one.

What you can do is find out if your loved one is happy with this kind of a sadist. If she is keep away from this person. If you are not in sight he will not think of ideas to meddle with you. If the person is unhappy in thier personla life give the support required to her to get out and then all out war.
Answered by EmM, 13 Dec '07 05:46 pm

 
  
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10.

This is very common....many times we grin and bear with people we hate at home, in school, in the office, everywhere.....but after a while all the falseness becomes too much and we wish we can somehow let the other person know how and why we hate his/her guts. But, I have learnt the hard way that it is better to keep ones mouth shut than risk losing the relationship.
During college, my best friend was in love with an obnoxious guy, everyone hated him and didnt know what this girl saw in him... i openly showed my animosity towards him and that idiot caused problems between me and my friend..being in love, she refused to listen to me and took my well-meaning advice as interference.....now my friend and that guy are not together any more, but somehow those episodes soured our friendship.
In case of close family, it becomes all the more difficult to adjust because they are for life...you cannot drop them on the way., The beloved person will not like having two people who matter to her ...more
Answered by sumitha, 13 Dec '07 04:33 pm

 
  
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