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Q.

PARENTING : My Parents always encouraged me to follow my hobbies and interests with due passion and time.It does reflect on my persona too. Parents of this generation are far too ambitious and resort to pressure tactics to make their kids perform in the cut throat world of competetions and ambitions. Where do you place yourself in this scenario? As a child of your Parents,and as a Parent...or a 'to be' Parent?

Tags: travel, relationships, education
Asked by shintsie, 21 Jan '10 07:28 pm
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Answers (15)

 
1.

This is an embarassing question to answer. My father a very rich farmer and financier deemed it right to marry off his 2nd child ( 1st one is a son), that is me at 17 against my wishes. I has just completed my +1 at yercaud.My elder brother who is 3 years senior to me and my best friend tried his best to stop the marriage , but in vain since he is a medical college student then. My mother is a woman who simply follow the footsteps of her husband. For her a jeweller with lots of wealth and the only son is a fortune for her daughter. The 1st 3 years of life is hell and with maturity I have decided to make the best of the marriage and in gradual course able to set right it and now I am happy. But even now I do not forgive my parents. And now at 28 and a mother of two I will never allow such things to happen to them. I have completed my BA and MA in corres and will try to guide them to have good education and wont force marriage, course of education or anything on them. I certainly will t ...more
Answered by Josna, 21 Jan '10 09:59 pm

 
  
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2.

At the outset Shintz, I congratulate you for putting up some of the best questions here and personally I wud like to learn a lot from you !!
Like you my parents also encouraged me to have my own hobbies, play cricket with involvement and interest and above all to move around with my friends circle very freely. At that point of time moving off in your friends circle was always looked critically and used to opined, but my parents had a lot of confidence in me and allowed my freedom. Even though I lost my father in my early years, my family members encouraged me a lot in all. But what was lacking at that time was the vision, and the relatives were jealous enough to guide us wrongly. Hence I could only complete my Dip on Chemical Tech and couldnt pursue further due to family conditions..
But then now I have my son, and I never force him to do anything, be it in his study or anything ! I only try to reorient him to the correct line !
Even during his 10th and 12th exams, I used to be ve ...more
Answered by Sundar Rajan, 26 Jan '10 09:36 am

 
  
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3.

I am in two minds whether to tell or not. One mind says go ahead, the other says no. dont. But may be telling will help someone learn how parenting should not be.. My father was a businessman. He was always busy in Ginning and cotton trade through out the year and never cared whether I am going to school or not, or whether I was studying in 5th st or 6th. It was my mother who took care, but she was always engaged with her saasu ma ( my grand ma ) and never could find time to solve our problems despite wishes.. She was happy, I never failed, many times topped, and that way less worried. I was expected to help father in his business after matriculation, but mom encouraged me to go to college. I cant compare what type of parenting I got good or bad. Teachers were good and helping, guided me for further courses and I joined commerce and management. That is my story. Only once I asked my father some difficulty when I was in 8th and I was kicked down when I could not reply. Mother took ...more
Answered by subhash, 22 Jan '10 10:43 pm

 
  
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4.

Dear Shintz > To some extent you do know, as a friend of course, something about my upbringing and therefore when it comes to define `Parents`, I just can`t go with its usual meaning we usually find in dictionaries, because personally to me `Parents` mean my maternal uncle only as he looked after and took the responsibility of polishing me in the way, he deemed fit to. But it does not mean he was not ambitious to make me as an ideal student even though he never had used pressuring tactics anywhere or for that matter he treated me more affectionately rather than his own (two) sons. But thats not the case to discuss here. There are three phases in your question viz. where do I place myself in this scenario? Well, (for the fear of restricted space available for answering, there is no need to bring those details from KG to 10th std. as that pass carried out in just routine matter and I was successful in every class, though did not come in merit list at final.) So as let me admit here more ...more
Answered by Indra Pawar, 22 Jan '10 06:37 pm

 
  
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5.

Hi Shintz, When I was a child I was never specially encouraged or forced for anything.My parents just wished me to be a well behaved child.Even they didnot bother much about my studies.I had a happy childhood without any pressure of any kind.I had thoroughly enjoyed my childhood.They had the pleasure of me as a child and I had the pleasure of having them as parents. They helped me to see the World with my own eyes .I had perfect bonding with them.They had great belief in me .There bringing helped me to be a more responsible, independant child.I always did things of my own interest .I was able to know and understand their worries and problems more closely .I had throughout helped them in everyway,physically, mentally and verbally. I feel that their bringing also helped me to buld the confidence required to cope any situations in life ,have a practical approach, and fight any odds or barriers come on my way. Today ,I apply the same method of upbringing in my child.I am not a parent who ...more
Answered by Rachana, 22 Jan '10 01:44 pm

 
  
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6.

I have a different opinion wrt. your this particular question....undoubtedly , I would have loved to guide them following the sweetes (as a child of my parents) amongst three ways , u mentioned , bcoz , I was very well guided by them, but painfully, along wid this , I have to resort to the second way i.e as parents too....todays parents find themselves in house made of glasses wrt. their kids...they have a very less margin in their hand...in my time, my parents were concerned only to the extent (like saying "Thank God , my son has not started smoking or has not fallen in any affair....) , but today's parents have to look at hundreds of such addiction and for a moment even they cant afford to take a deep breath, boz they feel , within no time there cud be be big permanent scar on the said glasses.....it would definitely sound narrow mindedness or conservative thought...but I feel so....many will disagree, but I am 100% certain that till class X , a student can never be certain about his ...more
Answered by bijoy agarwala, 22 Jan '10 12:35 pm

 
  
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7.

Well. my experience is different. I think, the era of 'pressure tactics' is gone. Today we do see the interest and likings of our children, help them to realise their dreams. We don`t impose our wishes on them, only guide them. And if the children have 'it' in them, so much the better. They get a big boost when they see their parents encouraging them in their endeavour to walk the path of their choice. There may be the opposite view also, but that is certainly declining in this modern age.
Answered by kishore malhotra, 21 Jan '10 08:24 pm

 
  
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8.

A childs development is greatly dependent upon the bond they have with both parents. That bond provides the child with the framework for how they view themselves and the world around them. Perhaps more importantly, that bond will determine how well they form relationships with others throughout their life. Situations may occur that cause this bond to be broken : A parents physical or mental state may keep him / her from being able to relate to the child or take into consideration the childs needs. Such illness as, depression, bipolar disorder, drug and alcohol addictions may cause impairments that make difficult for the child to maintain a relationship with the parent. A divorce and the conflict that may come with it can disrupt a childs life. The child might become hostile toward either or both of their parents if they feel the parent is failing to meet their need for security. Normally such situations resolve themselves quickly. However, there are times when anger, hurt feelings and ...more
Answered by Dil Se, 21 Jan '10 07:58 pm

 
  
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9.

Nice you are lucky
Answered by Jatin, 21 Jan '10 07:41 pm

 
  
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10.

It seems u r inspired from the movie of Amir khan going on now a days. I shall become friend parent to the children and will always encourage them to right direction which they have special interest, instead of loading my wishes or hear say from hither thither.
Answered by chhinder pal, 21 Jan '10 07:38 pm

 
  
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